FADE IN:



               INT. APARTMENT CORRIDOR - DAY

               A corridor in an apartment, with four doors.  Snavely,
               bearing a black cape and a thick mustache, saunters down the
               corridor to the first door.  He knocks twice and the door
               opens, showing a pretty girl.

                                   SNAVELY
                         Miss Trueheart?

                                   TRUEHEART
                         Mister Snavely!

                                   SNAVELY
                         It is the first of the month!  Your
                         rent is due!

                                   TRUEHEART
                         I can't pay the rent!

                                   SNAVELY
                         You must pay the rent!

                                   TRUEHEART
                         I can't pay the rent!

                                   SNAVELY
                         You may not pay the rent... Only if
                         you marry me!

                                   TRUEHEART
                         Horrors!  Horrors!

               She presses her wrist to her forehead and faints, collapsing
               into the hallway.

                                   SNAVELY
                         Bwah hah hah!

               Snavely steps over her body to the second door.  Snavely
               knocks on the door.  Proudhouse, a man in a white suit with a
               top hat answers.

                                   SNAVELY
                         Peter Proudhouse?

                                   PROUDHOUSE
                         Mister Snavely!

                                   SNAVELY
                         It is the first of the month!  Your
                         rent is due!

                                   PROUDHOUSE
                         I can't pay the rent!

                                   SNAVELY
                         You must pay the rent!

                                   PROUDHOUSE
                         I can't pay the rent!

                                   SNAVELY
                         You may not pay the rent... Only if
                         you marry me!

                                   PROUDHOUSE
                         Horrors!  Horrors!

               Proudhouse presses his wrist to his forehead and faints.

                                   SNAVELY
                         Bwah hah hah!

               He walks to the third door and knocks on it.  Tony, a Bronx
               tough guy in a wifebeater, face covered in shaving cream, a
               can of beer in one hand, answers the door.

                                   SNAVELY
                         Tony DiAngello?

                                   TONY
                         Yeah, what's it to you?

                                   SNAVELY
                         It is the first of the month!  Your
                         rent is due!

                                   TONY
                         Oh, yah.  Here.

               Tony gives an envelope to Snavely and slams the door.

                                   SNAVELY
                         Bwah hah hah!

               Snavely knocks twice on the fourth door.  A blonde man
               wearing leg warmers answers.

                                   SNAVELY
                         Bruce Manlove?

                                   BRUCE
                         That cape is so you!

                                   SNAVELY
                         It is the first of the month!  Your
                         rent is due!

                                   BRUCE
                         I can't pay the rent!

                                   SNAVELY
                         You must pay the rent!

                                   BRUCE
                         I can't pay the rent!

                                   SNAVELY
                         You may not pay the rent... Only if
                         you marry me!

                                   BRUCE
                         This is San Francisco!

               Bruce kisses Snavely full on the lips.

                                   SNAVELY
                         Bwah hah hah!

               They kiss again!

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.