Tilda1
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.

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               INT. BAR - DAY

               Jason and Bill ruffle papers in this local bar.  On the
               bartop there are several bowls of nuts.

                                   JASON
                         We're in trouble.  The bartender
                         quit today.

                                   BILL
                         Why don't we just hire another?

                                   JASON
                         Not one person has responded to our
                         ad.

               The door opens, and in minces Tilda.  It's hard to tell
               exactly which country in Europe she's from, but she's a
               striking vision in red high heels, a Swiss bustier, a kicky
               little skirt, and a French beret.  She adjusts her cleavage
               as she enters.

                                   TILDA
                         Oh, pardon me, yes.  I am Tilda.  I
                         am showing you myself for job?

                                   BILL
                         Um, yeah.  Why don't you sit down?

               Tilda sits on a bar stool with a flourish.  She drops a
               backpack on the floor.

                                   TILDA
                         Yes, for the job.  I come for that. 
                         You can use me freely.

               Tilda indicates her breasts.

                                   TILDA
                         Vould you like to see my razoom?

                                   BILL
                         Your what?

                                   TILDA
                         My razoom.  I can show you my
                         razoom.  You vant to see my razoom?

               Tilda reaches between her breasts and pulls out a typewritten
               piece of paper.

                                   JASON
                         Oh, your resumé!

                                   TILDA
                         Ya!  My razoom!

               Jason and Bill scan the page.

                                   BILL
                         It says here that you worked in Las
                         Vegas?

                                   JASON
                         What kind of work did you do in
                         Vegas?

                                   TILDA
                         Oh, I was nood there.

                                   BILL
                         You were what?

                                   TILDA
                         Nood there.  Nood there.  People
                         see me when I am nood there.

                                   JASON
                         In Vegas, what were you doing?

                                   TILDA
                         Nobody know me.  I am new girl in
                         town there.  You know?

                                   BILL
                         Oh, you were NEW there!

                                   TILDA
                         Ya!  I say that exactly!

                                   JASON
                             (slowly)
                         Okay.  How did you make money in
                         Las Vegas?

                                   TILDA
                         Oh.  I kiss dass.

                                   BILL
                         What did she say?

                                   TILDA
                         I kiss dass.  I make so much money
                         when I do that.

                                   JASON
                         You kissed something?

                                   TILDA
                         Ya, I kiss dass.  You know?  I kiss
                         dass, I roll dass, I say seven
                         seven seven, I double money!

               Tilda reaches into her rucksack and pulls out a pair of dice,
               which she kisses.

                                   BILL
                         You kiss the dice!

                                   TILDA
                         Ya!  I say that exactly.

                                   JASON
                         Okay.  When a man enters the bar
                         for the first time, how do you
                         greet him?

                                   TILDA
                         Oh, ya.  I lick da peenas en da
                         bawls.

                                   BILL
                         You what?

                                   TILDA
                         I lick da peenas en da bawls.  He
                         enjoying that, I think.

                                   JASON
                         Are you saying balls?

                                   TILDA
                         Bawls, yes.

                                   JASON
                         How many balls?

                                   TILDA
                         Oh, two bawls.  Some men, they have
                         the three.

                                   BILL
                         What is she saying?

                                   TILDA
                         The men lick them!  I give them the
                         two bawls!

               Tilda grabs two bowls full of nuts from the bartop.

                                   TILDA
                         Da peenas en da bawls!

                                   JASON
                         You like the peanuts in the bowls!

                                   TILDA
                         Ya!  I lick da peenas en da bawls! 
                         Ya, I say that exactly.

                                   BILL
                         Well, Tilda.  Would you like the
                         job?

                                   TILDA
                         Oh, I blow job off.

                                   JASON
                         Sorry, you what?

                                   TILDA
                         Ya, I blow job off.

                                   BILL
                         You're blowing the job off?

                                   TILDA
                         Ya, I say that.  I blow job off!

               Tilda gathers her rucksack.

                                   JASON
                         You mean you're not taking the job?

                                   TILDA
                         No!  I don't want da job!

                                   BILL
                         Why not?

                                   TILDA
                         Because you cannot speak ze
                         freaking English!

               Tilda flips her skirt and leaves the bar with a flourish.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.