FADE IN:
MUSIC - SCRAMBLE MANIA THEME MUSIC
INT. SCRAMBLE MANIA SET - DAY
Two contestants, Frank and Stacy, face out toward us.
Behind the contestants are two large letterboards, which
are currently empty. The contestants can't see the
contents of the boards unless they turn around. Over the
course of the game, production assistants will run up to
the letterboards and place a bunch of letters on them. The
contestants will move the letters around on the boards to
unscramble the phrases.
Alex, holding a stack of index cards, beams a million
dollar smile out at us.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time
for...
AUDIENCE (O.S.)
SCRAMBLE! MANIA!
Everyone applauds. A production assistant runs out and
begins installing a bunch of letters on Frank's letterboard
as Alex speaks at lightning speed.
ALEX
(quickly)
Hello and welcome back to
Scramble Mania! Tonight we
continue with our World
Championship Series, where the
top Scramble Mania contestants go
head-to-head for cash and top
merchandise. Our contestants
tonight have beaten over five
thousand other Scramble Mania
players in ladder competition to
get to the World Championship
Series. I'd like to welcome back
Frank Bender, from Sioux City,
Iowa... welcome back, Frank!
FRANK
Hi, Alex!
Sporadic applause.
ALEX
And from Canton, Ohio, let's
please welcome back Stacy Vinton!
STACY
Great to be here, Alex!
ALEX
All right, we all know the rules,
so let's get started. Frank won
the backstage toss, so Frank will
go first. Are we ready?
FRANK
Ready!
STACY
Ready!
ALEX
Then let's play Scramble Mania!
MUSIC - SCRAMBLE MANIA STING
ALEX
Frank, your first clue is: One
who attacks a hairy animal from
behind.
MUSIC - PUZZLE SOLVING THEME
Frank turns around and sees the words "RABIBT FUKCER" on
the board. He instantly rearranges the words.
FRANK
Fur backbiter!
SFX - "DING"
ALEX
That is correct!
The audience applauds. Two production assistants prepare
the boards for the next round.
ALEX
(in one breath)
That's one thousand dollars for
Frank, and he'll move into the
lead, Frank, remember that if you
fail to unscramble a scramble,
you lose your cash but not your
merchandise, because once you buy
a prize, it's yours to keep, that
one thousand dollars is added to
your total of forty-four thousand
six hundred and ninety-two
dollars to make forty-five
thousand six hundred and ninety
two dollars, and a chance at the
two-thousand and five Chrysler
Oldsmobile...
Alex takes a huge breath...
ALEX
By Chrysler! And now we're ready
for round two, so let's play
Scramble Mania!
MUSIC - SCRAMBLE MANIA STING
ALEX
Stacy, your clue is: Scandalous
behavior among Chinese priests.
MUSIC - PUZZLE SOLVING THEME
Stacy turns around and sees "MONGOLAIN CLUTSER FUKC". She
instantly rearranges the letters into...
STACY
Coercing a lustful monk!
SFX - "BZZZT"
ALEX
I'm so sorry, the correct answer
is "Coercing a slutful monk."
STACY
Darn it!
Production assistants run out and set up the boards for the
next round.
ALEX
That means your cash goes to zero
but you're still in the game.
Frank, I understand you design
aerospace engineering systems in
your spare time?
FRANK
Uh, that's right, Alex. I really
enjoy the thermodynamics of
aerofoil analysis.
ALEX
That's great. And Stacy? I
understand your specialty is
particle physics.
STACY
Yes, Alex, I'm investigating the
Planck constant as it applies to
the wavelength of...
ALEX
Okay, shut up now. It's that
time of the game where we begin
the Super Scramble round. As you
know, the scores can really
change during Super Scramble.
Are you both ready to play Super
Scramble?
FRANK
Yeah! Let's go!
STACY
Bring it on!
ALEX
Then let's play Super Scramble!
MUSIC - SCRAMBLE MANIA STING
ALEX
Okay, your Super Scramble clue
is: A concise description of
George W. Bush.
MUSIC - PUZZLE SOLVING THEME
Frank and Stacy turn around to see "ILLITREATE WARMONGREING
BATSARD" on their respective boards. As quickly as they
can, they rearrange their letters...
FRANK
I'm a rattlebrained wino
straggler!
SFX - "BZZZT"
ALEX
That is incorrect! Try again!
STACY
Bestial, weird, malignant
garroter.
SFX - "BZZZT"
ALEX
That is incorrect! Try again!
FRANK
Weird, aberrant-smelling
agitator!
SFX - "BZZZT"
ALEX
That is incorrect! Try again!
STACY
Battiest remaining large warlord!
SFX - "BZZZT"
ALEX
That is incorrect! Try again!
FRANK
Aberrant low idealist triggerman!
SFX - "BZZZT"
ALEX
That is incorrect! Try again!
STACY
Terrible alarming grandiose twat!
SFX - "BZZZT"
ALEX
And that buzzer means our time is
up. The correct answer is
"Illiterate warmongering
bastard."
FRANK
Ohhh, jeez!
STACY
So close!
ALEX
Since neither of you completed
the Super Scramble, you lose all
your cash but not your
merchandise, because once you buy
a prize it's yours to keep.
FRANK
Hey, I'm Republican!
ALEX
We'll be back tomorrow night with
the tie-breaking round of
Scramble Mania!
STACY
I'm voting for George W. Bush!
ALEX
Good night, everybody!
Frank and Stacy argue with Alex as we hear...
MUSIC - SCRAMBLE MANIA THEME
FADE TO BLACK.