INT. PRESS ROOM - DAY

     A squirrelly man with thick glasses walks to a podium and
     taps on the microphone.  The mic squeals a little.

                         ERGEN
               Good evening.  The Roto-Rooter
               Company is the largest provider of
               plumbing and drain cleaning
               services in North America.  Because
               of our company's great financial
               success, we have decided to
               diversify the Roto-Rooter name. 
               I'm pleased to announce the new
               Roto-Rooter brands.  First, Roto
               Rooter customers will be able to
               get high-quality photo prints any
               time of day, at Twenty-Four Hour
               Photo Rooter.  We are confident
               that we can give the Segway a run
               for its money with the Roto
               Scooter.  You can serve tasty and
               nutritious frozen desserts at home
               with the Fro-Yo Rooter.  Liberal
               San Franciscans with stopped-up
               toilets can call Alioto Rooter, and
               police with unwanted backups can
               call Roto Looter and Roto Shooter. 
               Does your dog have a digestive
               disorder?  He'll perk right up with
               Toto Rooter.  Here's a sound clip
               from the Toto Rooter advertising
               campaign.

                         JUDY GARLAND
               Run, Toto, run!

     We hear the sound of a toilet flushing.

                         ERGEN
               Or, is your dog just a little too
               friendly when the neighbors come
               over?  He'll calm right down with
               Toto Neuter.  Here's a sound clip
               from the Toto Neuter advertising
               campaign.

                         JUDY GARLAND
               Run, Toto, run!

     The sound of electric shears, followed by a dog howling.

                         ERGEN
               Please make sure to patronize all
               these exciting Roto Rooter
               businesses.  Now, I'd like to take
               you all to our exciting new
               restaurant on Fisherman's Wharf:
               Roto Hooters!

                                                FADE TO BLACK.