FADE IN:
INT. OFFICE CUBICLE - DAY
A demon chews on a pencil and taps on a computer keyboard.
His office phone rings and he answers.
BALAAM
Accounting, this is Balaam.
Elubatel the angel appears in a blue-screen overlay,
talking on another phone.
ELUBATEL
Balaam, this is Elubatel, from
Divine Recruiting. Listen, I got
your name from a co-worker, and I
just wanted to touch base with
you, understand whether you were
happy with your current position?
Balaam looks around.
ELUBATEL
Is now a good time to talk?
BALAAM
They monitor the lines sometimes.
ELUBATEL
Oh, sorry, should I call you at
home?
BALAAM
No, you can't do that.
ELUBATEL
Why not?
BALAAM
I'm in hell.
ELUBATEL
Ah, I see. So I understand that
you may looking for a career
change?
BALAAM
Uh, yeah. But I've heard some
bad things about Heaven.
Conservative work environment.
ELUBATEL
Actually, we have dress-down
Fridays now. Department party at
five p.m., with free wine.
BALAAM
Don't you have beer in Heaven?
ELUBATEL
Actually, J.C. himself is working
on that. We're calling it Wine
version two point zero. It's as
close as you can get to beer, and
still be wine. Can you tell me
what your hours are like?
BALAAM
They're hell.
ELUBATEL
What's your current workload?
BALAAM
Hell.
ELUBATEL
What's your medical plan?
BALAAM
I'm on Kaiser.
ELUBATEL
Hell.
BALAAM
Yeah. Can you tell me, what's
the medical and dental like in
Heaven?
ELUBATEL
Oh, we have Kaiser as well.
BALAAM
Darn, they're just everywhere.
ELUBATEL
So I wonder if I can get you to
come in for a job interview?
BALAAM
No, I can't.
ELUBATEL
Why not?
BALAAM
I'm in Hell.
ELUBATEL
Oh, yeah, I see. Can I fax you a
job application then?
BALAAM
No, you can't.
ELUBATEL
Why not?
BALAAM
I'm in Hell.
ELUBATEL
Oh, yeah. Well, can I e-mail you
a job application?
Asmodeus steps in behind Balaam and watches him. Balaam
doesn't see.
BALAAM
Well, yeah. But don't use my
work account. Send it to...
(he spells it)
[email protected] .
ELUBATEL
Okay, will do. Hey, thanks so
much.
BALAAM
Don't mention it.
Balaam notices Asmodeus.
BALAAM
Um, yeah, so we'll need to get
those torture chambers up to code
right soon now.
ELUBATEL
I understand, you can't talk.
BALAAM
Yeah, you got it. Thanks.
ELUBATEL
Bye.
Balaam hangs up.
ASMODEUS
Who were you talking to?
BALAAM
Oh, that was just Sargatanas over
in Facilities. Got a code
violation in sector three zero
nine.
ASMODEUS
Are you lying to me?
BALAAM
No.
ASMODEUS
Now wait a minute. Are you lying
to me?
BALAAM
Well, yes.
ASMODEUS
Good job!
Asmodeus pats Balaam on the shoulder and leaves.
FADE TO BLACK.