FADE IN:
INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY
George Bush sits at a long desk, furrowing his brow.
Donald Rumsfeld enters.
RUMSFELD
Mister President?
BUSH
Yes, Donald?
RUMSFELD
We have a situation in Iraq, sir.
There are reports of American
soldiers abusing Iraqi prisoners.
BUSH
The American people demand the
facts, Donald. Tell me
everything.
RUMSFELD
Well, sir. Word has it, Mister
President, that American soldiers
are forcing Iraqis to eat...
BUSH
Yes, Donald?
RUMSFELD
Pop Rocks and Seven-Up!
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
A laughing American soldier pours Pop Rocks and Seven-Up
into the mouth of an Iraqi soldier, who gabbles the mess
everywhere.
IRAQI
Auuuugggh!
CUT TO:
INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY
BUSH
Disgusting!
RUMSFELD
That's not all, Mister President.
Reliable sources tell us that
American soldiers are forcing
Iraqi prisoners to listen to...
BUSH
What, Rummy?
RUMSFELD
"Who Let The Dogs Out"!
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
A laughing American barks along with the Baha Men.
AMERICAN SOLDIER
Whoooo let the dogs out! Ruff
ruff ruff!
IRAQI
Auuuughh! Nooooooooo!
CUT TO:
INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY
BUSH
Dear sweet God, this is not the
America I know!
RUMSFELD
It's true, Mister President. But
that's not the worst. We have
photographic evidence that
suggests we are forcing Iraqi
citizens to... to...
BUSH
Yes?
RUMSFELD
Attend the Renaissance Pleasure
Fair!
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
An American soldier wears some medieval-looking clothing.
He holds a turkey leg. An Iraqi prisoner squirms beneath
his feet.
AMERICAN SOLDIER
Hail and avast! Hey, do you know
any girls?
IRAQI
Auuuuugghhh! Nooooooooo!
INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY
BUSH
Well, Donald. The Iraqis don't
want us in Iraq. And the French
don't want us there either. So
let's solve two problems at once.
RUMSFELD
Mister President? Are you
thinking what I'm thinking?
BUSH
Yes, Rummy, it's time to... Send
in... The French!
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
A French guy, in a beret and a striped black shirt, looks
down on our mistreated Iraqi in disgust.
FRENCH GUY
Mon Dieu, you Iraqis are so
steupid.
IRAQI
Aaaaauuuughh! Noooooooooo!
FADE TO BLACK.