FADE IN:



               INT. HOSPITAL - DAY

               Medical equipment: a cot, a heart monitor, a rolling cart
               with medical supplies.  Clothing, the walls, everything is
               white, white, white, with the exception of a large red
               cross on one wall.

               Lisa pats John's hand.  John is nearly finished giving a
               pint of blood, a needle still in one arm.

                                   LISA
                         There, it's almost done.  Giving
                         a pint of blood wasn't so
                         gruesome after all, was it?

                                   JOHN
                         With you holding my hand, it
                         wasn't so bad.

               Lisa beams.  A nurse enters and checks the needle.

                                   NURSE
                         So, how are we feeling?

                                   JOHN
                         Hanging in there.

                                   NURSE
                         Are we ready for that needle to
                         come out?

                                   JOHN
                         Um, sure.

                                   NURSE
                         Okay.  Hold still.  There might
                         be a few drops of blood.

               The nurse pulls out the needle and there's a little
               continuous spurt of blood from John's arm.

                                   NURSE
                         Okay, we're all done!

                                   JOHN
                         I'm bleeding!

                                   NURSE
                         It's just a little surface blood. 
                         It'll coagulate in a minute or
                         two.  Thanks for coming by.

                                   LISA
                         Nurse, he's bleeding a lot! 
                         Can't you help?

                                   NURSE
                         Let me refrigerate this blood bag
                         first.  

               The nurse picks up the bag of blood and it falls apart in
               her hands.  John is soaked.

                                   JOHN
                         Oh God!

                                   NURSE
                         Goodness me.  I'll have to file
                         an accident report.

               The nurse goes to the rolling cart and pulls out a form.

                                   LISA
                         Nurse...

               The nurse holds the form close to her nose.

                                   NURSE
                         One moment, please.

                                   JOHN
                         NURSE!!

               The nurse jumps, pulling the paper across her throat.

                                   NURSE
                         Paper cut!

               The nurse's neck bleeds copiously!  She staggers about and
               blood goes everywhere.

                                   NURSE
                         Don't worry!  You can't contract
                         HIV by giving blood!

               An orderly staggers into the scene.  He's carrying what
               appears to be a white garbage can with a large red cross on
               the side.  He's having trouble balancing it.

                                   ORDERLY
                         Hey, where do you want this O
                         positive?

                                   NURSE
                         Go get the supervisor!  Stat!

                                   ORDERLY
                         Okay... I'll go get him...

               The orderly staggers under the weight of the can... who is
               he going to drop it on?  At last he runs quickly off stage
               with it.

               The supervisor enters.  He's a Klingon in full battle
               regalia.  (Hey, this is UPN.)

                                   KLINGON
                         I am the supervisor of this
                         hospital!  Nurse, why have you
                         created this disturbance?

                                   NURSE
                         A little surface blood, Your
                         Klingon Excellency...

               The nurse dies.

                                   KLINGON
                         Sto'vo'qor!  I cannot bear the
                         dishonor that you have brought
                         upon this hospital!  I must
                         commit honorable Hegh'bat!

               The supervisor pulls out a knife and slits his throat. 
               Blood spews... Pastel-pink blood!  The Klingon collapses on
               John's lap, clutching the knife to his chest.

                                   KLINGON
                         Blood donation is...
                         Completely... Safe...

               The Klingon emits a death rattle and goes slack.  John and
               Lisa lean over him.

                                   KLINGON
                         You-must-die-as-well!

               The Klingon comes back to life!  He stabs John!  John dies!

                                   KLINGON
                         And-you-too!

               The supervisor stabs Lisa!  Lisa dies!  The Klingon dies!

               An announcer in a nice suit enters and addresses us
               directly.

                                   ANNOUNCER
                         The American Red Cross would like
                         to protest the previous sketch.
                         In fact, blood donation
                         facilities are sanitary,
                         professional and well organized. 
                         And the need for blood is great --
                         on any given day, approximately
                         thirty-eight thousand units of
                         red blood cells are used, across
                         the United States.  By donating
                         blood, you can save a life. 
                         Thank you.

                                   ORDERLY (O.S.)
                         Gangway!  Whooaaaa!

               The orderly runs on stage with the huge can of blood!  The
               can ends up, upside-down, on the announcer's head!

               MUSIC OUTRO - HOUSE BAND: "Chris de Burgh - Lady In Red"

                                                       FADE TO BLACK.