LestatMonologue1 Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
Good! Evening! New Orleans! I am your host, your patron,
your totem, and your closest friend, Lestat de Lioncourt!
And I welcome you, land-owners... friends... playmates...
lovers... bed-fellows... and assorted deviants... to Mardi
Gras! Now tell me, gentle hearts of Louisiana, and tell me
truly... Do you love me?
(puts hand to ear)
Now people. I must remind you now that this is live theater.
This is interactive, this is real time, this is not, how do
you say, the telephone? I am here! I am now! So when I ask
you, Do you love me? I want to FEEL your love for me! I
want to HEAR it! Tonight, with my right hand I give you the
divine gifts of music, dance, and love everlasting! And I
expect something in return! So tell me, New Orleans: Do!
You! Love! Me!
(hand to ear)
Do! You! Love! Me!
(hand to ear)
Yes! I! Love! You! Too!
(general disorder on stage)
This place, this mansion, is my heart. Tonight, outside that
door, the door to my heart, there is darkness. The madness
of the world. Tonight, I open my heart to you all. I invite
you in, and we slam the door against the madness. Tonight,
in this place, you are safe and free and happy! Tonight, I
liberate you from yourselves! You are not who you were.
Tonight, in this place, you are who you choose to be.
Tonight is Mardi Gras! Tonight, the candles burn brightly!
Tonight, the women burn brightly! Tonight, the men burn
brightly! I want a dance! I want a dance now!
Now some of you are thinking that my life is easy. That
managing these grounds, this plantation, is a life of
splendor and relaxation. But, my friends, sadly I tell you
that it is not so.
(motioning to the girls)
It is difficult! I have so many girls to manage! They
require my constant attention! There is so much virginity to
take care of. They are mostly virgins, yes? Virgins in the
practical sense. I have a total of seventy-two virgins here.
It is like paradise for terrorists, you know? It is a little
bit inconvenient. I take them to a bar, they all want
seventy-two Shirley Temples.
Thank you, thank you! I'd like to welcome you all to my
plantation. Technically, it belongs to Louis, technically,
yes? But everything that's his is mine, you know?
Anyway, I'd like to direct you to the various rooms of the
mansion. Up the stairs and to the left, there is the study.
You can study in the study. And the bathroom is down the
stairs back there. You can bathe in the bathroom, if you
choose. The dining room is back there. You can dine in the
dining room. And here, this large room... This is the
ballroom. You can... do whatever you want to do in the ball
Thank you! Before we continue, I have a small announcement.
There is a little girl, she is eight years old, she has --
what color hair -- brown hair. Her name is Sophie. She is
about this tall. Unfortunately, she is missing from us. And
her mother has asked me to make this announcement to find
her. Perhaps she is hiding somewhere? Also, I am informed
that her blood type is AB negative. It is a very rare type.
Thank you all so much.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have a bit of a shocking
announcement. There are people here tonight who are not as
they seem! They move and speak as you and I do, but in fact
they are parasites, living entirely on the blood of
innocents! Yes, ladies and gentlemen... there are lawyers
here! They look exactly like ordinary people, but I tell
you, there are lawyers among us! If you do in fact see a
lawyer tonight, don't make any sudden motions!
All right, let's take a look at some of these beautiful
costumes, shall we? Goodness, my dear girl, could you have
worn any less? I've seen more cotton at the top of an
aspirin bottle. And you? Very nice, very nice. Black has a
heightening effect on you, yes. Actually, she weighs five
hundred pounds. And you, darling? Oh, your cups runneth
over! Perhaps you could donate one of those to the less
fortunate? My God, I would like to be reincarnated as a
chest cold. In your case, I would never want to leave!
Darling, I love your corset... but it is a bit tight... the
lingerie collection by Saran Wrap! Keeps what you've got in
an airtight seal, for maximum freshness! And you? I just
want to say that I absolutely loved you in Lord of the Rings.
Hello darling, how old are you? Seventeen? ... Officer, I
swear she's 18! What's the age of consent here in Louisiana?
Is it 18? Ah hell. Everything's a crime in Louisiana. It's
a red state! Here in Louisiana, a man may not tie up a
another man and make love to him. But you can own slaves.
If I'm going to use a whip on a man, I say, far better that
he should enjoy it, yes?
One of the questions I am frequently asked: am I bisexual?
They ask me, Lestat, are you bisexual? Are you bisexual?
I'm rich! I can buy anything. Or anyone. In truth, my
money is not my own. I have always depended on the kindness
of strangers. Like Louis here. He is the kindest of
strangers. But let's be honest. Money cannot buy love, can
it? But it will buy something that looks like it, smells
like it, and tastes like it! We dance now!
Before we continue, I have a demand. That is that you all
immediately stop commenting on how young I look. "Oh, what
nice skin you have, Lestat! You never age! You are as
handsome as ever!" Blah blah blah blah! This is all I ever
hear, how I never age. I heard exactly the same thing in
1836, 1818, 1792 and 1764.
We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind.
Because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance,
well they're no friends of mine! If I had a chance I'd ask
the world to dance but I'm dancing with myself. Everybody
sing, everybody dance, lose yourself in wild romance. I
wanna dance with somebody! I wanna feel the heat with
Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of Lestat's heart! I
want to remind you of the next event we're hosting...
Jane, Tina, Shannon, Peggy, Lisa, come to my room. You're
not in trouble... Yet!
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.