INT. AIRPLANE CABIN - DAY

               We see a row of four airline seats, two on the left and two
               on the right, and we hear the low-grade hum of the airplane
               taxiing on the ground.  Left aisle seat is Katrina, a
               reporter.  Right aisle seat is Stone, a bureaucrat.  Left
               window seat is Habib, an Indian programmer.  Right window
               seat is Ted, a loner.

                                   KATRINA
                         Excuse me.  Are you Rear Admiral
                         David Stone?

                                   STONE
                         'Fraid I don't recollect your face,
                         little lady--

                                   KATRINA
                         Katrina Ness.  Staff reporter, New
                         York Times.  I would have thought
                         that the Transportation Safety
                         Administration would have chartered
                         you a private jet.

                                   STONE
                         I make it a point to travel on
                         private-sector planes.  If I won't
                         fly on 'em, how can I claim that
                         we're making 'em safe for U.S.
                         citizens?

                                   KATRINA
                             (laughing politely)
                         Excellent quote, sir.

               Katrina pulls out a notebook.

                                   KATRINA
                         What are your goals this year for
                         the Transportation Safety
                         Administration?

               Habib pulls out a laptop to Stone's left and starts playing a
               video game on it.

                                   STONE
                         Build a great team to enforce world
                         class security standards.

               Habib's videogame is beeping and squonking, with loud
               explosion sounds.

                                   KATRINA
                         What?

                                   STONE
                             (Shouting)
                         World-class security standards!

               Stone gives a nasty look to Habib.  Habib closes the laptop.

                                   HABIB
                         My most sincere apologies.  I am
                         basically simulating our flying
                         experience with a flight simulator
                         program.  In this particular
                         situation unfortunately I keep
                         flying directly into the World
                         Trade Center, causing the Boeing
                         Seven-Thirty-Seven to be completely
                         destroyed in a ball of hot burning
                         gases.  Basically I require some
                         kind of software update.  I fear
                         that this is irrelevant to you.  I
                         will maintain the volume of my
                         flight simulator program at a
                         reasonable level only.

                                   KATRINA
                         What are you doing to improve
                         security screening at our airports?

                                   STONE
                         We've implemented a wide set of
                         screening technologies in a broad
                         based initiative.  

               Habib pulls four long white chemical blocks from the seat in
               front of him.  Each one has military-looking markings and is
               wrapped in wax paper.

                                   STONE
                         We're conducting focused random
                         residue testing on all domestic
                         U.S. flights.

               Stone looks at the pile of blocks and speaks into his lapel.

                                   STONE
                         Five-oh-four, we have a possible
                         Code Blue situation.

                                   HABIB
                         I could not help but overhear that
                         you are referring to a possible
                         Code Blue situation.  In this
                         particular situation I would like
                         to demonstrate and point out that
                         the contents of these packages is a
                         high-quality butter.

                                   STONE
                         There, it's... C-4...

                                   HABIB
                             (Counting them)
                         Yes, one two three four, I see
                         four.

                                   STONE
                         Explosive...

                                   HABIB
                         Basically, it has the capacity to
                         catch fire only when heated in a
                         skillet past the point of burning.

                                   STONE
                         So it's safe?

                                   HABIB
                         Basically, unless you are lactose
                         intolerant, yes.

                                   KATRINA
                         Rear Admiral Stone, how will the
                         Transportation Safety
                         Administration keep terrorists from
                         bringing explosive devices on
                         airplanes?

               Habib puts away the butter.

                                   STONE
                         We have a wide range of laboratory
                         certified automatic test
                         procedures.

               Habib takes a shoebox wrapped in duct tape from the seat in
               front of him.  On top of the shoe box is an LED timer.  He
               presses a button on the timer and it starts counting down:
               fifty-nine seconds, fifty-eight, fifty-seven...

                                   STONE
                         We've spent over two hundred
                         million dollars on explosive
                         detection technologies...

               Stone talks into his lapel.

                                   STONE
                         Five-oh-four, I'm reporting a
                         possible Code Blue situation...

               Habib opens the shoebox.  It contains multicolored packets of
               powder.

                                   HABIB
                         I could not help but overhear that
                         you are referring to a Code Blue. 
                         Basically I am thinking that you
                         are concerned that this may be an
                         explosive device.  In this
                         particular situation it is an
                         ordinary kitchen timer and the box
                         contains a variety of high-quality
                         aromatic spices to be used for
                         masala.

                                   STONE
                         Masala?

                                   HABIB
                         Basically, masala, yes.

                                   KATRINA
                         Rear Admiral Stone, if there were a
                         terrorist on this flight, what
                         would be the T.S.A. response?

                                   TED
                         You're about to find out, slut
                         whore!

               Ted pulls a pistol and jumps into the aisle.

                                   TED
                         Everybody!  Heads between your
                         legs!  Heads between your legs! 
                         Move move move!

                                   HABIB
                             (quietly, to Stone)
                         Excuse me, but I could not help
                         noticing that there is a terrorist
                         hijacking this plane, and although
                         I am not familiar with the meaning
                         of the Code Blue that you are
                         saying into your armpit, in this
                         particular situation I would like
                         to basically suggest that this is a
                         Code Blue situation, and it may be
                         completely helpful for you to alert
                         the proper authorities!

                                   STONE
                             (Into his lapel)
                         Mommy!

                                   TED
                         Shut up!

               Ted clubs Stone with the butt of his gun and he falls
               unconscious to the aisle.  Ted grabs Katrina out of the seat
               and holds the gun to her head.

                                   TED
                         You!  With the bomb!  Drop the box! 
                         Head between your knees!  Now!

                                   HABIB
                         Basically, this is not a bomb, this
                         is a variety of high-quality
                         aromatic spices to be used for
                         masala --

                                   TED
                         Drop the box or she dies!

               Habib reaches in the box and pulls out a fistful of curry. 
               He tosses it at Ted's face.  Ted screams and grabs his eyes. 
               Katrina screams and dives to the floor.  Habib grabs the gun
               and pistol-whips Ted three times.  Ted rolls on the floor and
               groans.

                                   HABIB
                         Basically I dislike all forms of
                         physical aggression but in this
                         particular situation it is critical
                         to ascertain that you have been
                         rendered completely and thoroughly
                         unconscious.

               Habib pistol-whips Ted twice more and Ted is down for the
               count.  Habib holds the pistol like a dead mouse and returns
               to his seat.  Katrina tends to Stone.

                                   KATRINA
                         Rear Admiral Stone, can you speak?

                                   STONE
                             (Dazed)
                         Mmmm... I smell curry.

               Katrina grabs her notebook.  Habib takes out his laptop and
               begins poking at it again.

                                   KATRINA
                         Incredible story!  And I got the
                         exclusive!  What's your name?

                                   HABIB
                         You may refer to me as Habib,
                         because that is my name.

                                   KATRINA
                         Habib, what advice would you give
                         to air travelers in the United
                         States?

                                   HABIB
                         Basically, in this particular
                         situation... Take!  The!  Bus!