Choose an entry from this book by randomly flipping to any page. Read the entry aloud backwards.Get an older copy of this Anniversary Report (Red Book) from a previous year. Look yourself up in it. Read it without judging yourself.Turn to a random entry in this Red Book. Look at the two people before and the two people after that random entry. Contact one of those five people via mail, e-mail, or social media, and introduce yourself politely.Contact one of your best friends from Harvard, and send them a nice message. You may optionally include a picture of what you look like today.Find an important-sounding entry in this book. Read it aloud in an important-sounding voice.Find a picture of yourself from approximately 1988 or so. For example, you may use your picture from the freshman facebook. Post this picture on social media. If you do not use social media, send a copy of this picture to your best friend from college.Contact a friend from Harvard in your class, and tell them to look up [[A]] in this Anniversary Report.You wake up with a start. It's January 1988, you're in your freshman room, and you are exceptionally late for your finals.
As you throw on your clothes in one large motion, you realize that you can barely stand. This may be due to the fact that you have not eaten in days, on account of studying so hard.
If you ignore your hunger and try to make it to the finals, turn to [[B]].
If you skip class and proceed to the Freshman Union for something to eat, turn to [[C]].
Write a letter to yourself as you were in 1988, and give yourself important life advice. Optionally, publish the letter to yourself on social media. You're in Harvard Yard. The grass areas are cordoned off, as parents and other important people will be arriving to witness graduation soon. You are not important enough to walk on the grass, but precious moments are ticking away.
If you run across the grass directly to Memorial Hall, turn to [[F]].
If you walk carefully along the paved paths to Memorial Hall, turn to [[D]].You've made it to the Freshman Union. You eat a few bites of Cheesy Garden Casserole and Frank's Oriental Fish.
A copy of the Yard Bulletin is here. It asserts positively that the Union is not a Stop and Shop.
Scary portraits of old men leer at you from the walls. They seem to be telling you not to fling pats of butter at the ceiling, or else they will take vengeance upon you.
If you go to your next scheduled class, turn to [[E]].
If you collect as much food as possible and attempt to abscond with it, turn to [[H]].
If you fling pats of butter at the ceiling with a fork, turn to [[F]].Campus police notice your crime, and they swiftly handcuff you. You are carted off unceremoniously, to the infamous Harvard jail.
No one knows that you have been deposited here. The campus police allow you grudgingly to make a single phone call.
If you decide to call your friend for help, turn to [[R]].
If your friend is completely undependable and think you'd get better help from a random stranger, turn to [[Q]].
If you try to convince police that it really wasn't you, but it was your best friend who committed the crime, turn to [[G]].You enter Memorial Hall. A few hundred students are writing furiously in blue books.
As you dash into the hall, the doors slam open, reverberating through the room. Every single head in the hall turns directly to stare at you.
If you go back out the door you came in, turn to [[E]].
If you ignore all the stares, and nonchalantly try to take the test anyway, turn to [[J]].
A make-up lecture is taking place in Sever Hall, for a little bit of extra credit for those who did not attend the blue-book final. To attend, turn to [[P]].
At the Science Center, scientists are permitting students to touch a black hole. To attempt to pet a black hole, turn to [[K]].
To listen to beautiful foreign-language poetry in the language lab, turn to [[N]].You sit quietly in one of the chairs, take a blue book, and begin reading. Surprisingly, there is only one question on the test. "Imagine that you are now approximately fifty years old. Compose a letter to the you of today. Make sure to give multiple examples from the texts."
If you write a brilliant answer in the blue book, turn to [[L]].
If you write a mediocre answer in the blue book, turn to [[M]].
If you decide to cheat by asking the person sitting next to you for help, turn to [[Q]].As you leave the Union, replete with groceries that you have pilfered, crowds of well-wishers surround you and applaud happily. Word quickly travels that you have proven that the Union is, in fact, a Stop and Shop. The scientific and literary communities are agog with your newfound proof. Musicians write songs in your honor, and a statue of you is erected in place of John Harvard.
If your picture is published in the newspapers for all your friends to admire, turn to [[S]].
If you decide to give a lecture at Memorial Hall about your brilliant achievement, turn to [[P]].
If you ask your best friend to hide you until all this newfound celebrity dies down, turn to [[R]].Unfortunately, you have been sucked into a time warp from which you are extremely unlikely to ever escape.
If you remain stuck in the time warp, turn to [[K]].
If you resign yourself to living backwards through time, turn to [[N]].
If you try to escape from the time warp, using only a nine-volt battery and some chewing gum, which has never been tried before and will probably catapult you an unknown number of years into the future, turn to [[M]].