INT. THEATER - DAY
A large, empty, dimly lit theater. A director and a staff of
go-fers shuffle papers in the darkness of the seats. John
stands alone on stage and fidgets under a spotlight.
DIRECTOR
John, is it? Let's take the
monologue on page thirteen.
John thumbs through a script.
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
He's asking you to read for the
lead role!
ID (V.O.)
Oh, shit. He wants you to read the
gay sex monologue.
JOHN
Page thirteen, got it.
DIRECTOR
Whenever you're ready.
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
It's only an audition. Relax.
Take a deep breath. Focus.
JOHN
"Oh, I love it when you touch me
like that, Frank --"
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
You found humor in the moment!
Keep going --
ID (V.O.)
You're going to hell for doing this
audition.
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
No! You're doing great --
ID (V.O.)
Dude, the director totally wants to
pork you.
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
Focus!
JOHN
"Oh, yes, baby, service it, service
it --"
ID (V.O.)
You sound like a gas station
commercial.
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
I'm in the moment!
ID (V.O.)
You're in a bad gas station
commercial. A bad gay gas station
commercial.
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
There is no such thing as gay gas!
JOHN
"I work at the sex clubs --"
ID (V.O.)
You change the oil filters?
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
Focus, focus! Positive thoughts!
ID (V.O.)
Gay gas!
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
Gas cannot be gay!
JOHN
"When I was a kid I'd service
myself while the other boys watched
--"
ID (V.O.)
Gay gas porn! Service with a
smile!
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
Art! Human condition! Personal
conflict --
ID (V.O.)
Gay gas porn gay gas porn!
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
In the moment!
ID (V.O.)
Fill 'er up!
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
I'm acting! I'm a character,
dammit!
ID (V.O.)
Welcome to Gay Gas! Check that
oil, mister!
SUPEREGO (V.O.)
Shut up!
DIRECTOR
Thank you --
ID (V.O.)
No, you shut up!
DIRECTOR
Thank you!
JOHN
What?
DIRECTOR
Thank you very much, John. We'll
call if anything comes up. Can you
send in the next one, please?
But I know what I am and I’m glad I’m a man
Published