"NEPOTISM"
FADE IN:
INT. BOARDROOM - DAY
(SMITH, THE BOARD, BLAKE, MATT, MOM, BLAKE AND MATT,
CHARLES, EVERYONE)
A HIGH-TONED BOARDROOM. ON THE LEFT IS A LONG TABLE, WITH
SEVERAL SUIT-AND-TIE WHITE MEN SEATED BEHIND IT. THEY TAP
ON LAPTOPS AND MAKE CALLS ON CELL PHONES. ON THE RIGHT IS
A LARGE PROJECTION SCREEN BESIDE A SINGLE CHAIR. DOCTOR
SMITH, AT THE HEAD OF THE TABLE, RAPS ON A GLASS WITH A
PENCIL.
SMITH
All right, boys. The next applicant
seems to be well qualified to be the
president of our company.
DOCTOR SMITH RUFFLES SOME PAPERS.
SMITH (CONT'D)
Can we bring him in, please?
A SECRETARY OPENS A PAIR OF DOORS, AND BLAKE ENTERS,
SMILING BROADLY, WEARING SUIT AND TIE. A YOUNGER MAN AND
AN OLDER WOMAN FOLLOW HIM IN. BLAKE STRIDES TO THE TABLE
AND SHAKES HANDS WITH SMITH.
SMITH (CONT'D)
This is the board.
THE BOARD
(mumble mumble)
SMITH
Sit, please.
BLAKE SITS IN THE LONE CHAIR. THE YOUNG MAN AND THE OLD
WOMAN LOOK ABOUT FOR A PLACE TO SIT, AND FINDING NONE, THEY
STAND IDLY BESIDE THE SCREEN.
SMITH (CONT'D)
Tell us about yourself.
BLAKE
I've been the vice president of
technology of this company, sir, for
twelve years, and I'm uniquely
qualified--
SMITH
Excuse me?
BLAKE
Yes?
SMITH
Who are those people?
BLAKE
Oh, them. That's just my mother and
my older brother Matt, sir. Don't
be concerned about them.
MATT
Hey.
MOM
Don't even mind me.
THE BOARD MEMBERS GLANCE AT ONE ANOTHER.
BLAKE
As I was saying, I have unique
experience in managing distributed
development challenges. I've
prepared a presentation on that
topic.
THE SCREEN LIGHTS UP WITH BLAKE'S POWERPOINT PRESENTATION.
BLAKE (CONT'D)
I've developed a plan that will
permit us to maintain our company's
investment while planning progress
for the next fiscal year and beyond.
MATT COUGHS SEVERAL TIMES. BLAKE GIVES HIM A LOOK.
BLAKE (CONT'D)
Next slide, please. Ah, yes. I am
happy to report that due to
increases in I.T. productivity, our
sales are up across all territories.
Our fourth-quarter sales have seen
an increase of forty-five percent.
MATT
(under his breath)
Morty-mime merment.
BLAKE GIVES MATT ANOTHER LOOK.
MATT (CONT'D)
What? I'm quiet.
BLAKE
Next slide, please. Now, I'd like
to point out that for fiscal year
2005, we expect to see gains
primarily in the European
economies...
BLAKE SEES THE SCREEN AND STOPS DEAD.
BLAKE (CONT'D)
(to Matt)
You! You scribbled on my
PowerPoint!
MATT
(mocking)
You mribbled on my MowerMoint!
BLAKE
Matt!
MATT
You mribbled on my MowerMoint!
BLAKE WALKS OVER TO MATT AND SMACKS HIM ON THE HEAD SEVERAL
TIMES.
MATT (CONT'D)
(laughing)
Mom! Mom! He's hitting me!
MOM
Don't hit your brother--
SMITH
Perhaps we should reschedule this
interview.
BLAKE
(regaining)
No, sir. That's not necessary. We
won't have any further outbursts.
BLAKE STARES AT MATT.
BLAKE (CONT'D)
Will we?!
MATT
(under his breath)
Big dummy idiot.
BLAKE MOVES TO SMACK MATT. MATT QUICKLY ZIPS HIS LIPS
SHUT.
BLAKE
Next slide, please. Now, it's
important for this company to
acknowledge some new technology
trends. We are planning major
offshore investments in I.T. as well
as H.R. spending...
BLAKE LOOKS BLACKLY AT MATT.
BLAKE (CONT'D)
Mom, he's going to do something.
MATT SHAKES HIS HEAD VIGOROUSLY.
MOM
He's not bothering you, dear. Go
on. You're doing fine.
MATT NODS VIGOROUSLY.
BLAKE
And, um, so we need to consolidate
our, um, North American operations
in order to... maximize value... For
our shareholders. Yes. Can I get
the next slide, please?
THE NEXT SLIDE COMES UP: EGAD, IT'S COWS AHOY! STUNNED
SILENCE FOR A FEW SECONDS, AND THEN:
MATT
(as annoyingly as
possible)
Cows cows cows cows cows!
BLAKE
MATT!!!
MATT
(even more annoyingly)
Cows cows cows!! Moooooo!!
BLAKE
I can't believe you did this to me!
MATT
You mribbled on my MowerMoint!
BLAKE
That's it! I'm killing you now!
BLAKE TACKLES MATT, THROWS HIM TO THE FLOOR AND STARTS
BEATING HIM. MATT SCREAMS WITH LAUGHTER.
MATT
(screaming)
Mom! Mom!
MOM
You boys take that outside.
SMITH
(thundering)
ENOUGH!
EVERYONE FREEZES.
SMITH (CONT'D)
(stentorian)
Clearly you are not qualified to be
president of this company.
BLAKE AND MATT
(simultaneously)
But Dad...
SMITH
No! I told you boys, one more fight
in the boardroom and that's it! I'm
letting Charles be president.
CHARLES, ONE OF THE MEN SEATED AT THE BOARDROOM TABLE,
JUMPS UP.
CHARLES
Thanks, Dad! You mribbled on my
MowerMoint!
(to Blake)
Big dummy idiot! You're fired!
BLAKE
Mom! Dad! For the love of God--
EVERYONE
(at Blake)
You mribbled on my MowerMoint!
BLAKE CRIES AND COLLAPSES INTO A BALL. THE BOARD MEMBERS
LAUGH AND POINT. GENERAL DISORDER.
FADE TO BLACK.