LESTAT
                          (up, big)
            Good!  Evening!  New Orleans!  I am your host, your patron,
            your totem, and your closest friend, Lestat de Lioncourt! 
            And I welcome you, land-owners... friends... playmates...
            lovers... bed-fellows... and assorted deviants... to Mardi
            Gras!  Now tell me, gentle hearts of Louisiana, and tell me
            truly... Do you love me?
                          (puts hand to ear)
            Now people.  I must remind you now that this is live theater. 
            This is interactive, this is real time, this is not, how do
            you say, the telephone?  I am here!  I am now!  So when I ask
            you, Do you love me?  I want to FEEL your love for me!  I
            want to HEAR it!  Tonight, with my right hand I give you the
            divine gifts of music, dance, and love everlasting!  And I
            expect something in return!  So tell me, New Orleans: Do! 
            You!  Love!  Me!
                          (hand to ear)
            Do!  You!  Love!  Me!
                          (hand to ear)
            Yes!  I!  Love!  You!  Too!
                          (general disorder on stage)

                                   LESTAT
            This place, this mansion, is my heart.  Tonight, outside that
            door, the door to my heart, there is darkness.  The madness
            of the world.  Tonight, I open my heart to you all.  I invite
            you in, and we slam the door against the madness.  Tonight,
            in this place, you are safe and free and happy!  Tonight, I
            liberate you from yourselves!  You are not who you were. 
            Tonight, in this place, you are who you choose to be. 
            Tonight is Mardi Gras!  Tonight, the candles burn brightly! 
            Tonight, the women burn brightly!  Tonight, the men burn
            brightly!  I want a dance!  I want a dance now!

                                   LESTAT
            Now some of you are thinking that my life is easy.  That
            managing these grounds, this plantation, is a life of
            splendor and relaxation.  But, my friends, sadly I tell you
            that it is not so.
                          (motioning to the girls)
            It is difficult!  I have so many girls to manage!  They
            require my constant attention!  There is so much virginity to
            take care of.  They are mostly virgins, yes?  Virgins in the
            practical sense.  I have a total of seventy-two virgins here. 
            It is like paradise for terrorists, you know?  It is a little
            bit inconvenient.  I take them to a bar, they all want
            seventy-two Shirley Temples.

                                   LESTAT
            Thank you, thank you!  I'd like to welcome you all to my
            plantation.  Technically, it belongs to Louis, technically,
            yes?  But everything that's his is mine, you know?
                          (laughs)
            Anyway, I'd like to direct you to the various rooms of the
            mansion.  Up the stairs and to the left, there is the study. 
            You can study in the study.  And the bathroom is down the
            stairs back there.  You can bathe in the bathroom, if you
            choose.  The dining room is back there.  You can dine in the
            dining room.  And here, this large room... This is the
            ballroom.  You can... do whatever you want to do in the ball
            room.

                                   LESTAT
            Thank you!  Before we continue, I have a small announcement. 
            There is a little girl, she is eight years old, she has --
            what color hair -- brown hair.  Her name is Sophie.  She is
            about this tall.  Unfortunately, she is missing from us.  And
            her mother has asked me to make this announcement to find
            her.  Perhaps she is hiding somewhere?  Also, I am informed
            that her blood type is AB negative.  It is a very rare type. 
            Thank you all so much.

                                   LESTAT
            Ladies and gentlemen, I have a bit of a shocking
            announcement.  There are people here tonight who are not as
            they seem!  They move and speak as you and I do, but in fact
            they are parasites, living entirely on the blood of
            innocents!  Yes, ladies and gentlemen... there are lawyers
            here!  They look exactly like ordinary people, but I tell
            you, there are lawyers among us!  If you do in fact see a
            lawyer tonight, don't make any sudden motions!

                                   LESTAT
            All right, let's take a look at some of these beautiful
            costumes, shall we?  Goodness, my dear girl, could you have
            worn any less?  I've seen more cotton at the top of an
            aspirin bottle.  And you?  Very nice, very nice.  Black has a
            heightening effect on you, yes.  Actually, she weighs five
            hundred pounds.  And you, darling?  Oh, your cups runneth
            over!  Perhaps you could donate one of those to the less
            fortunate?  My God, I would like to be reincarnated as a
            chest cold.  In your case, I would never want to leave! 
            Darling, I love your corset... but it is a bit tight... the
            lingerie collection by Saran Wrap!  Keeps what you've got in
            an airtight seal, for maximum freshness!  And you?  I just
            want to say that I absolutely loved you in Lord of the Rings.  

                                   LESTAT
            Hello darling, how old are you?  Seventeen? ... Officer, I
            swear she's 18!  What's the age of consent here in Louisiana? 
            Is it 18?  Ah hell.  Everything's a crime in Louisiana.  It's
            a red state!  Here in Louisiana, a man may not tie up a
            another man and make love to him.  But you can own slaves. 
            If I'm going to use a whip on a man, I say, far better that
            he should enjoy it, yes?

                                   LESTAT
            One of the questions I am frequently asked: am I bisexual?
            They ask me, Lestat, are you bisexual?  Are you bisexual? 
            I'm rich!  I can buy anything.  Or anyone.   In truth, my
            money is not my own.   I have always depended on the kindness
            of strangers.  Like Louis here.  He is the kindest of
            strangers.  But let's be honest.  Money cannot buy love, can
            it?  But it will buy something that looks like it, smells
            like it, and tastes like it!  We dance now!

                                   LESTAT
            Before we continue, I have a demand.  That is that you all
            immediately stop commenting on how young I look.  "Oh, what
            nice skin you have, Lestat!  You never age!  You are as
            handsome as ever!"  Blah blah blah blah!  This is all I ever
            hear, how I never age.  I heard exactly the same thing in
            1836, 1818, 1792 and 1764.

                                   LESTAT
            We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind. 
            Because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance,
            well they're no friends of mine!  If I had a chance I'd ask
            the world to dance but I'm dancing with myself.  Everybody
            sing, everybody dance, lose yourself in wild romance.  I
            wanna dance with somebody! I wanna feel the heat with
            somebody!

                                   LESTAT
            Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of Lestat's heart!  I
            want to remind you of the next event we're hosting...
            Jane, Tina, Shannon, Peggy, Lisa, come to my room.  You're
            not in trouble... Yet!