Son,

I have never denied that I have many defects of character. But I am working on them.

Consider that you might have some serious problems with narcissism. So many people have commented on this. Dr. Ed E recently reported how uncomfortable he was around you. Your lack of compassion for the underdog is striking. I sometimes wonder if you do not have a personality disorder.
Consider attending Alanon for awhile. Work the 12 steps. Help the newcomer.

This is painful to write, but I regret not writing it years ago.

Dad

I saw an advertisement on TV that I should use Proactiv for clearer looking skin. Never heard of the stuff and I wondered what it was, so I went to proactiv.com to learn about their cream. It's basically acne medicine that clears up your skin.

On the web site, a little window popped up saying "Hi! I'm Sarah, a live product support specialist. Would you like to chat with me now?" All right, fine, let's chat. I clicked OK. Here's how it went down:

----snip----

Sarah: Hi. I'm a live Proactiv product specialist. Can I answer any questions for you today?
Sarah: Just let me know if I can be of any help.
You: I was wondering whether Proactiv will help me achieve and maintain my erection.
Sarah: I would be happy to answer your question regarding proactiv product.
You: I've tried applying it as per the instructions, and I don't seem to be able to maintain it.
Sarah: While every person is different, on average, customers usually see visible results within 3-6 weeks. Complete clearing of the complexion often takes 3-6 months with consistent use of the system.
You: So, you think I will be able to get an erection in 3-6 weeks?
Sarah: Yes, that's right.
You: Thank you so much! I have one other question.
Sarah: Please ask.
You: I was wondering whether Proactiv will permit me to ejaculate in 3-6 weeks, or will it be sooner?
Sarah: I recommend using the system 2 times a day, every day for results.
Sarah: It's the most effective, quickest way to get that wonderful clear, glowing skin you deserve!
You: Excellent! Two times a day it will be. And how long do you think it will be before I can ejaculate?
Sarah: Every person's different, but most people see results in 3-6 weeks. You should see your complexion clear up completely in 3-6 months, but you have to use it every day.
Sarah: Is there anything else I can help you with today?
You: You have been so helpful to me! I have one question about masturbating with the product.
You: Is it better to masturbate myself with Proactiv, or is it better for someone else to help me masturbate with Proactiv?
Sarah: Due to the offensive language, I am going to have to end this chat. Should you have any other questions, please feel free to contact us again.

Recently, I’ve been reading Grimm Fairy Tales to get to sleep. Here’s a new story for you in their style. Like all fairy tales, half is new and two-thirds is borrowed.

--

"Pasalo and Shala"

There was a handsome and hardworking farm boy. Because his hair was bright as gold, he was called Pasalo (“gold-headed boy”). Pasalo woke one morning to hear beautiful singing. As he went to the road, he saw a pretty girl singing while she carried pails of milk to town. Pasalo went to her. Her name was Shala (“nightingale”), and her pails were heavy, and she sang to lighten the load. Pasalo carried her pails for her. After walking a mile or two, they fell in love, and Pasalo promised to marry Shala.

Whereupon an enchantress swooped down upon them, bearing a gilded bird cage. She had heard Shala singing too. The enchantress raised her dark cloak and turned Shala into a nightingale; and the enchantress stole the nightingale into her cage. The enchantress cursed Pasalo, and he was frozen as stone, and could not move. The enchantress flew away, and Pasalo collapsed, free of the curse.

“I will bring my love back,” thought Pasalo. He got his pitchfork and went to the great dark castle on the hill where the enchantress lived. Through the top window he could hear the nightingale singing in the gilded cage. A great gargoyle perched on top of the castle. Pasalo attacked it with the pitchfork. The gargoyle laughed, snapped the pitchfork easily between his teeth, and pressed Pasalo to the ground with one claw. The gargoyle said, “You may not enter the castle unless you show me the most beautiful thing in the world.” He let Pasalo up. Sad and beaten, Pasalo walked down the hill.

As Pasalo returned to his farm, he spied a wise old fox, fainted from pain and hunger. “The enchantress has injured me,” said the fox. “Heal me, and I will help you.” Pasalo fed the fox chicken and let him heal in his bed. When the fox was well, the fox bowed and said, “How may your love be returned?”

Pasalo said, “The gargoyle said, I may not enter the castle unless I show it the most beautiful thing in the world.”

“Ah,” said the fox. “It has never been done before, but it may be done yet. You must first find the place where water turns to air. Then, you must pass the unpassable door. There, you will find the most beautiful thing in the world.” Pasalo asked the fox what he meant, but the fox sprang out the window and ran away.

For many years, Pasalo searched for a place where water turns to air. He searched many countries, many towns and many forests, but he could find no such place. He endured many misfortunes, and his hair turned from gold to silver and then to gold again with the effort. At last, when he could go no further, he collapsed by the top of a waterfall. “I shall never find the place where the water turns to air,” said Pasalo.

Pasalo looked over the cliff, and found that he had walked all the way to the edge of the earth. Pasalo watched as the river drifted off the earth, and the water cascaded into infinite sky, and the river came to reform as clouds above the earth. “Is this the place the fox spoke of?” said Pasalo.

Pasalo was dry, so he put his face in the river to drink. As he did so, underneath the surface of the water, he could see clearly. Upside down, he saw an underground cave. He climbed through the water’s surface, pulled himself onto a ledge, and stood. Pasalo saw an underground passageway. A river flowed at his feet, the sun shone brightly through the river, and the light danced on the cavern ceiling.

“I can breathe in here,” said Pasalo, “and thus have I seen water turn to air!” Pasalo followed the river of light until he came to a small shore of sand before a great hewn wall. There was a single door in the wall. On the door, in red, were the following letters:

THE UNPASSABLE DOOR.

“Not unpassable for me,” said Pasalo, but though he beat, shoved and pried at the door, it would not move a bit. Pasalo slumped on the sand, dejected. As he sat on the sand, he could see a faint light under the door. Pasalo said, “If I might not pass through it, I might pass under it,” and dug sand from under the door. At last he removed enough that he could slide himself underneath the door.

When Pasalo emerged, he saw a vast and rich treasure room with every imaginable kind of wealth: rubies, emeralds and diamonds as big as porcupines, beds and sheets and linens spun of pure gold, encrusted crowns and swords and staves, each one more exquisite than the last. “Everything here is a wonder, and there are so many wonders here,” said Pasalo. “How can I possibly choose the most beautiful thing?” As he said this he spied a single tulip growing in a patch in the corner. A single droplet of dew sparkled from the center of the tulip. As Pasalo took the flower, a spell lifted and all the jewels and fineries were revealed as rocks and wood.

“All my treasures are vanished,” said Pasalo, “but at least I have this.” Pasalo went back under the impassable door, through the river of light at the edge of the world, and over many many miles to the dark castle on the hill.

The gargoyle glowered at him. “You may not enter the castle unless you show me the most beautiful thing in the world.”

Pasalo showed the beautiful tulip with the droplet of dew. The gargoyle laughed and said, “I tell you to show me the most beautiful thing in the world, and you show me a simple common flower?”

Pasalo said, “No. I have travelled far and wide over many years, and I have seen the edge of the earth. I have traversed the place where water turns to air, and passed the impassable door. I have rejected every earthly treasure to find this tulip and bring it here, but not to you. Please give it to Shala the nightingale on my behalf, and tell her that I love her, and always will.” Whereupon the gargoyle bowed deeply and permitted Pasalo to enter.

Pasalo ran to the top window. He saw the dark enchantress dangle the gilded cage out of the window with one arm, with Shala the nightingale therein. “If you come at me, I’ll dash your nightingale to the rocks below,” said the enchantress, “and that will be the end of your true love.” Whereupon, from outside the window, the gargoyle seized the cage and the enchantress’s arm with it, and pulled them both outside the window. The enchantress swang from the teeth of the gargoyle. The gargoyle gave a small chomp, and the enchantress (less one arm) fell twenty stories to the sharp rocks below. As she died, the sun lifted, and roses climbed the walls of the castle.

Pasalo despaired of Shala the nightingale in the jaws of the gargoyle, when the gargoyle placed his great head in the window and smiled. Through his teeth stepped Shala. The curse was lifted, and she was as beautiful as the day when Pasalo first saw her. They were married and lived happily in the castle with the great gargoyle guarding them; the last I heard, the three live there still.

Source: The Hill. I could never have said it better myself.

Addium:20March'010 To Say Hon US Senate can ONLY presume that Hon US Represenative Health Care Bill PASSED in Late 2009 Is NOT Legal Statement. Since Arch of D' Angelo Is Found to Be Illict method in 1985 by Hon US Supreme Court Decision Which Stands Permanent and Forever, PRESUMPTION: IS NOT LawFul, For ANYONE in US. Since 33 States Claim to Be Enacting laws Forbidding Health Care Bill to Take Effect In Those STATES, Likely Those Hon US REPRESENATIVES In those 33 STATES Whom Vote For Health Care Bill Will BE Defeated next Election, As Matter of Course. AS Trade Unions Start Turning to Protest by lack of Support, Even More Health Care Passers Wiil Also Be Defeated. So Bill with Few Takers, In Fact 33 States is enough for Constitutional Admendment to Ratify. General Motors Never Came Back on Public Market, Again Evidence In Futality of Present Legal Situation. People Are Harvested As New workers Are Trained. Early RETIREMENT, FORGET IT, HARVEST, IN FACT ANY PAYMENT OUT TO US CITIZEN, FORGET IT. ALL GOING TO FORGEIN ACTUARIES THAT HAVE HEAVILY INVESTED IN HOSPITOLS, INSURANCE SCHEMES BANKS. US IS Broken By Worlds Second Largest GOLD Producer:BARRIC K GOLD. Hon Obama, whom on facebook list name twice in WhiteHouse linkup, once as Hon Barak Obama esq, Second time in identical Website as Hon Obama Barak esq, Hawaii Public Records never States Where Hon Barak Original Birth Certificate came from, in Hawaii, Bringing Birth Certificate From anywhere, Even FORGEIN nation surrendering that Certificate for Hawaian Certificate of Birth is Legal Disclouse NOT Legal. To prevent less native Hostility toward Overseas workers, often from Milatary. Hon Barak esq Is Al Quaeyda Adjutant General FROM Somila. Never has US Citizen Been Mrore Decieved, In Fact Pictures of Hon House Passage may be photoshops of much earlier time when Defunct Pictured Sgt at Arms, could get in Building, As Late Night Entry IS NOT Allowed By Anyone of Any Reason, matter of policy. Did Hon US Senate Pass bill of Legislation or did simply revolve around musical chairs venue. Awaiting Suckers whom now are about to enter Very FRENCH Style of mediciene. Go In Never Come Out, Hospitol only for Killing Patients with Unlimited term of Stay Allow Under health Care Bill ,being tortured to Death I More Accurate by Few Families involved in That Specific Hospitol as Staff Enjoys another, Entertainment Murder With BIG PayOff, Insurance Possessions of Victim. DEFEAT HEALTH CARE BILL OR DEFEAT OWN CITIZENS CIVIL RIGHTS. SLAUGHTER OF PEOPLE IS NOT LEGAL, YET THATS ONLY BASIS OF HEALTH CARE IN HEALTH CARE BILL BILL.orig posting:Exact Same Style weekend event by HON US Congress sent HealthCare bill to HON US Senate in LATE 2009. Several Problems then, US Congress was NOT In session that day/NIGHT photos show Person with Grey hair, heavy set Mustache, identified in News Release as hon US Congressional Sgt at Arms, whom Lost Job (fired) about 6 Years ago. Recently, earlier today, picture on internet with Same Heavy set gray haired Mustached defunct Sgt at ARMS, with group in HON US Congress Floor area with Hon Pelosi, Seems that specific BAD guard Knows how to enter US Congress when out of session, Intends HEALTH CRE BILL DECEPTION WITH GREAT FREHOUGHT Pulling ILLICIT Spoof Photo session that becomes foundation for HealthCare bill Moving Bill on in Process,NOT by Vote. Unfortuntely ANYONE Can Vote for Hon US Represenative in Chamber. Even ONE Person Can Vote for Entire hon House of Represenatives. complete Fraud, Public Seems NOT smart Enough to UnderStand Mess HELATH CARE BILL has fallen into. terrible Crime, Right in Front of US CITIZENS Public Eyes.Murder Is NOT Health Care Present Bill Is Harvest of People whom bought BAD Package, NOT HealthCare At ALL. Entertainment Murder In isolated Place called hospitol. Inside Foundation of present HealthCare, Is HATE of Citizens of United States of America Lawyer Often Seems Are that Way with Others. Whole Lie now called health Care Bill Needs Be Thrown Out, Defeated.HON Congress Is About To Criminalize HealthCare Process Further than every before. Public Being Duped Repeat of first events in US Congress in Late 2009.November 2009.Hon US CongressPeople Are NOT Above PROCEDURAL Law. Complete Investigation of Method Legality of HEALTH CARE BILL PRESUMED VOTE NEED BE ENACTED DONE BEFORE ANY FURTHER FLOOR TIME IS CORRUPTED.Signed:PHYSICIA N THOMAS STEWART von DRASHEK M.D.GEORGE MASON UNIVERSITY 1984 to 1988.Posted by: thomasxstewart

My thoughts this morning go out to my brother, who has been sent to Afghanistan for a month. Part of the troop surge there. He's going in a support role, in order to provide some equipment and weapons training, so he's not expected to see combat; however, I'm still thinking of him. He's a large fellow and at least as smart as me.

A couple weeks ago I joined the Screen Actors' Guild. I'm hoping I can leverage some of the Ambassador's Day work into a new agent.

I just wrote the world's youngest chess playing program, Superpawn. Superpawn plays like a smart young child. It plays a mostly legal game of chess, though it doesn't understand concepts like castling and the fifty move rule. Superpawn loves to get the queen out early and parade her around the board. It is trivially Winboard compatible. Once Superpawn survives the epd2wb test suite, I'll probably release it with a CC0 license.

When my wife was a little girl, she used to play chess with her older and somewhat more serious sister. At a certain point in the game, Amanda would grab a pawn and scream "SUPERPAWN!" and fly it around the board, knocking all the pieces over.

With thanks and respect to my father, my company now has a small office at 2102 Business Center Drive in Irvine. I've spent the last few weeks launching the company. I spent Christmas break moving in the computers and the printer and the Ikea furniture. I even hired a part-time employee with a flurry of W-2s and I-9s to manage some accounts.

I was worried that I'd turn into a porn-surfing late-sleeping slug when self-employed, but it's been just the opposite. I am happy to report that I work just as hard for myself as for The Man -- twelve-hour days in many cases, and I don't feel that I've worked that hard at the end of the day.

It's an exciting time, and I'm glad to be alive so I can live it. I am physically tired, but I wake up every morning now excited to go into work.


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She had a particular set of music that she wanted at the funeral. "Memories" from Cats, and "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" from Evita. Big, loud, brassy numbers. Laptop was down, but I figured out how to burn the CDs on Dad's laptop. My Harvard computer science degree came in handy for my stepmother's funeral.

I could handle the service, no problem. Standard Catholic mass. Lots of cookie-cutter sisters pressed like Whitman white chocolates into the front row, all sobbing delicately into Kleenex. Sit-stand-kneel, sing number 865 from the hymnal. I even took communion with the bunch of them, and did not burst into flames. I ate the body of Christ and thought of zombies.

There was a gullet-stuffing potluck after the funeral. Even after everyone had eaten all the Sam's Club Value Cashews and cole slaw and four-cheese sandwiches and Vienna sausages on plastic toothpicks, even then, there were two party trays of fatty ham and roast-beef sandwiches left over. Somehow the trays came to my dad's house. I tried to throw them away, but my brother and my father reacted violently. "You so much as make a move to throw out that party tray, and I'll break your neck," snarled my brother. He kept it for a day, ate one sandwich from it, and threw it away himself. Something about West Virginia and wasted food. I'll explain it to you someday. If you lived here, you would already understand.

Flew to West Virginia a week ago, again. Death tours back east running into tens of thousands of dollars.

Dad is sad. I was ready for much worse; I was expecting full-on drinking binges and self-loathing and suicidality, like when we were kids. He's focusing on helping others instead. He just got elected into an officer position down at the local AA branch. He laughs now and then.

E-mail says more layoffs at work. They fired fifteen people; do you think I could maybe re-do the schedule while I have down time? [Redacted.] Dad is worried about what he will eat. I taught him how to cook a steak, how to dice an onion, how to bake fish, and how to roast croutons.

House looks the same. Lots of leaves. You people in California don't know leaves, and you don't know sky. You should come visit, and you will see sky.

The sisters left, in a gossiping, nattering bunch and I was left with my brother, my father, and my Appalachian stoicism. I was actually doing fine until tonight, when I had to disassemble the pictures from the collage back into a photo album. That's when it hit me. Death in the family. Sixth in three years.

Goddammit!

There exist many variants on the basic rules of chess. Many of these variants introduce a larger board or new pieces or movement rules in order to make the game more complex. Personally, I have a hard time keeping straight the additional rules of the variants, and so they seem less fun to me. In the words of Trip Hawkins, great games are simple, hot and deep.

Cathouse is my contribution to the world of chess variants. In Cathouse, many queens scratch at one another to gain the attention of the king.

The only valid pieces in Cathouse are pawns, queens, and kings. Initial setup for the Cathouse board is as follows:



In the initial setup, your pieces are placed on the opponent's side of the board. You have your king on the eighth rank, with pawns on the fifth, sixth and seventh rank.

Move and capture rules are the same as for FIDE chess: pawns may move forward exactly one square into an empty space, or they may capture on adjacent front diagonals. Kings may move and capture to any open adjacent square.

When a pawn reaches the eighth rank, it is immediately exchanged for a queen. This means that each player may theoretically promote up to three queens on the board. (Pawns may only promote to queens.) If you don't have so many queens laying around with your chess board, just turns your rooks onto their heads and pretend they're queens.

Queens move as in FIDE chess: they slide along rows, columns or diagonals in rays until they are stopped by a piece of their own color, or until they capture an opposing piece.

The game ends according to FIDE chess rules. Checkmate, stalemate, draw, and three-move repetition endings are all possible.

For a piece layout this simple, the game is surprisingly well-balanced. Computer analysis suggests that white has an opening advantage of only about half a pawn, the same as in traditional FIDE chess. Each player must try to generate their own queens while simultaneously preventing the opponent from doing so. Space control and tempo seem to be key in Cathouse.

Dad called a couple weeks ago. Rachel, my stepmother, has had cancer for some years now. They just decided to transition her into hospice care. We rejiggered our vacation plans and traveled to Charleston, West Virginia three days ago instead. As with all cancers, no one really knows anything.

People come and go in Dad's house, some of whom I don't know. Rachel's Catholic; a priest came in.

We've been on the road a lot. Charleston, West Virginia to Fishersville, Virginia where we will spend the night tonight. My mother made food. Lots of food. It's what she does. We're watching The Producers (new school) on TV while I write this.

I snapped at my wife the other day. I regret having done that.

My family looks old to me. I assume I look old to them.

I'm quiet, mostly because I'm tired. I feel physically drained, and I find it difficult to hold a coherent train of thought. I suppose I'm growing a little too set in my ways.

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(11:32:33 AM) johnwbyrd: Only if my mommy lets me

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(11:34:54 AM) BeckyJohnson6266: ;)..do you have a cam?

(11:35:07 AM) johnwbyrd: Come, come.  Elucidate your thoughts.

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(11:35:33 AM) johnwbyrd: I'm 14 years old and in jail.

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(11:36:01 AM) johnwbyrd: Actually, I'm 98 years old and have a heart condition.

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(11:36:36 AM) johnwbyrd: I guess you'll be needing a credit card

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(11:37:09 AM) BeckyJohnson6266: i use this site to play on cause i don't want to be recorded!...this site doesn't allow people to record my cam! u know?

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(11:37:46 AM) johnwbyrd: I'm actually an FBI agent who investigates credit card fraud

(11:38:01 AM) BeckyJohnson6266: let me know if you need any help..i'm gonna slip into something nice for you..k? ;)

(11:40:59 AM) johnwbyrd: So, chat with people for 5 minutes, get them to cough up a credit card, show 10 minutes of canned video and slam them for insane charges

(11:42:18 AM) BeckyJohnson6266: if its not working u can check out my other site babes.. go to http://tinyurl.com/CHOOSEME2 scroll all the way down to the bottom babe, and you will see "friends of ME!!!", click that and when you get the password page, put in the password:"lucky" okay?

(11:41:32 AM) johnwbyrd: I'm actually a chicken with beautiful ruffly feathers... bawk bawk bawk

Too lazy to be ambitious,
I let the world take care of itself.
Ten days' worth of rice in my bag;
a bundle of twigs by the fireplace.
Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment?
Listening to the night rain on my roof,
I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out.

- Daigu Ryokan

Michael D Brown was director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency when Hurricane Katrina hit. At least 1,836 people lost their lives in the actual hurricane and in the subsequent floods. The storm is estimated to have been responsible for $81.2 billion in damage, making it the costliest tropical cyclone in U.S. history.





Sources here and here.

Snowed in here in Boston. The place is quiet. Mudd and Mandy busy themselves with reception planning and responses to the flowers and cards. It's lovely watching them play with Xander. I do dishes. I can do dishes.

We got a foot of snow day before yesterday. It lovingly blanketed and paralyzed the town like the embrace of a spider. I spend most days writing code and Skyping friends. Finally, the audio engine is turning into something really game-changing. Damn the economy; my businesses are finally starting to pay off.

Apparently, I'm in Theatre Bay Area magazine for March. There is apparently a favorable article about The Hermit Bird there, and they gave me an Editor's Pick and a sidebar. If you happen to have a copy of the magazine, I'd love to see it.

I'm speaking at GDC in San Francisco, on March 24, in the Tools and Middleware Panel. I'll be in town all that week, hobnobbing with fellow wizards on Monday evening, if you'd like to hang out and have a something with me.

I went home and worked for the past week and a half. I talked to Amanda every day. He was sleepy and odd but chatty and personable -- still very much himself. I was scheduled to fly back to Boston tomorrow.

Last night, though, around 4 a.m., something in Nurn's status changed. He was more confused than usual. He was scared. An hour later, in the company of his wife and mine, he was dead. I missed saying goodbye by one day.

I'm at Las Vegas International now, flying back to Boston a day early. The funeral will be the same day as the opening of The Hermit Bird, outside of San Francisco. (I'll provide further details here when I know them.)

I am sure that all this has a deeper significance. For the time being, I'm not going to think too much; I just need to get back to her as soon as possible. There'll be plenty of time for thinking later.

At this moment, at this precise moment, I'm all right. I'm worried about Amanda.